Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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