a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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