I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
