we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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