How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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