YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
