Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
