Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
