I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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