Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
