I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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