Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
