Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
