The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
