We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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