i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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