: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
