I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
