Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
