"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
