respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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