who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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