I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
