i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
