Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
