She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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