At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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