don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize