these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
