Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
