Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
