Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
