if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
