I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
