I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
