He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
