I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
