But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
