I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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