Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
