when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
