Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
