Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
