Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
