First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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