did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
