I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
