no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
