nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
