i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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