I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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