I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
