Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize