Midget sex pt 2 tonight
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
