Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize