Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize