I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So vagazzling was a success
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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