Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
