Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
