i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I will be naked everywhere
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize