When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
