can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Damn victory sex feels great
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