Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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