There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
