His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have post one night stand depression
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