He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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