And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
