Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

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(206): View more from Washington

Peanut butter balls.

(1-206): View more from Washington

IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD

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(760): View more from California

I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.

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(206): View more from Washington

2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick

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(513): View more from Ohio

I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him

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