Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I believe in your delicious
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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