forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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