Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize