he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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