She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
