i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
