she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
