I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
