you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
