So drunk its hurt
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
