I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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