I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
