why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
