There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
