Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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