i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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