Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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