i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
