I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
