I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
