he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They have beer where we have blood.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
