Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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