Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
