u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
