So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
