I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
