Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
